Irreverent rants, hungover musings, too much salt...

Monday, November 14, 2005

Thou shalt not worship false Idols!!!

American Idol has a lot to answer for. In true commercial arse-sucking style it has spawned copycat shows in a myriad of countries--well at least Australia, and if my cynical belief in the sheer 'vaccuosity' of humanity in general pans out, there will soon be one in every country on Earth.

Algerian Idol anyone?

What about Chad Idol?

Columbian Idol? The show where the judges shovel cocaine up their snort holes before announcing, 'Eeetzz crrap!'

Cuban Idol? 'You don't like my song? Well say hello to my leetle friend! (cue sound of manic laughter and machine gun fire ... Oh fuck, I wish ...)

Egyptian Idol? No Bangles songs please.

Djiboutian Idol? Never heard of that one before? Well the capitol of Djibouti is called Djibouti. Shake your bootie In Djibouti.

Haitian Idol? Already resembles Hell--why not go there?

North Korean Idol? And the winner is ... Kim Jong Il! Of course the man is the best at everything--just ask him, he will tell you how things should be done.

Latvian Idol.

Federated-Fucking-States-of-Micronesian Idol...

When will it end?

At last count, it was generally accepted that there are 193 counties in the world. Considering that the top five contestants of an Idol program usually secure record contracts, that's 965 new spurious acts on the market a year.

Sweet Jesus--be afraid, be very afraid.

Those 965 shlop stars releasing a minimum of 10 songs on their debut album brings us up to 9650 songs of which, granted, possibly two don't make you want to insert a chainsaw in your ear to dull the pain.

9648 scheisen hausen (as zee Germans say) songs polluting the already stagnant music market.

Fan-fucking-tastic. I can't wait.